Holy-Hot Chart Applied To Fr. Moses McPherson

After reviewing the video from Fr. Moses on the hot-holy matrix, Orthofawkes was impressed at Fr. Moses's satire level. Then Orthofawkes found out it was not satire. That seemed to leave only one option: applying this matrix to Fr. Moses.

On the hotness scale, he gets points for being a powerlifter. However, the tattoos he hides under his sleeves detract from that score. We also had to subtract points for his almost bald but not quite buzz cut, which confused one on how bald he is (huh?).

He gets points for pretty eyes, but they’re hard to notice because he also has that crazy look like someone who only consumes protein shakes 24/7.

While some might apply this next item to the holy scale, the obvious prayer rope on his wrist reeks of pride, and that’s an absolute no-no. You can tell he really wants you to see that prayer rope. The last item to review in hotness is the amount of neck rolls when he turns sideways. Man, those are massive and might be even bigger than his biceps.

Now, for holiness, we know he starts at a 15 instead of a 10 because he’s in ROCOR. That, plus being uber ROCOR extreme, might move him to 20. His YouTube channel on how to be holy like him adds another 5 points of holiness.

The final score is 1 out of 10 for hotness and 57 out of 10 for holiness. Wait, did he just beat Jesus in holiness?